Parent Hack: Playful Parenting
A recent study found that playful parenting may be linked to fewer behavior problems and more kind behavior in kids
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A recent study published in August 2023 in the journal Early Child Development and Care found that playful parenting is associated with many important benefits in children including fewer behavior problems, lower risk for anxiety and depression, and more kind behavior. So how can you be more playful? This newsletter will help you to understand the research behind parent playfulness and how to use playfulness effectively in your day-to-day lives.
Playfulness is something that comes easily and naturally to children— they can turn any object into a toy and the most mundane task into a game. However, it doesn’t come so easily to us parents. Our lives are serious and stressful and we don’t often have the time or the capacity to practice playfulness. It is hard to be playful when you are thinking about tragic world events or preoccupied by a work email. As adults, we have also moved beyond the developmental stage when play is appropriate and it is hard for us to access these skills that once came so naturally to us. However, research suggests that there may be many benefits if we try to work on our playfulness and incorporate play more into our everyday parenting lives.
So what exactly do I mean by playfulness? Parental playfulness is defined in the research as “the degree of creativity and curiosity parents exhibit when interacting in play with their children.” In other words, it is how “fun” a parent is with their child both during play time and during everyday tasks and routines. It can also involve using humor or jokes with your children and being joyful in your interactions with your children. Playfulness is a “love language” of children— meaning it is an important way for us to connect with them and build our relationship. Playfulness can also be helpful during stressful times or power struggles with children. For example, when your child doesn’t want to leave the playground so you ask if they want a “horsey ride” to the car.
So does playfulness really help? As mentioned above, a recent study found that playfulness in parents was also associated with fewer behavioral problems, a lower risk for anxiety and depression, and more kind behavior in children. Previous research also finds that parent playfulness is linked to improved emotional regulation skills in children and less negativity and defiance from children. This research suggests that playfulness may help parents to set limits in a way that does not lead to a power struggle. Being playful may even reduce your own stress as a parent and help you to become more supportive of negative emotions in your children.
Examples of Parent Playfulness
As adults, it can be hard to think of ways you can be playful so here are some examples to get you started:
If you have a child who doesn’t want to put on their pajamas, make the pajamas talk and move around saying something like “I wish I had a child who wanted to wear me.” You can also try to put the pajamas on yourself pretending that they might fit you. Either of these approaches are likely to get a giggle out of your child and prevent a power struggle at bedtime.
If you have trouble getting your child out of the door in the morning, ask if they want to race you to the car. Or ask if they want to “fly,” skip, hop, or twirl to the car.
Take turns telling stories or playing “I-Spy” during a long car ride or when waiting in line.
Have a dance party in your kitchen after a hard day. My kids and I really enjoy the Freeze Dance songs by the Kiboomers.
Play a game of tickle monster or have a pillow fight.
Try doing a blind taste test with food. Your kids have to guess what they are eating while they keep their eyes closed or are blindfolded. This is not only fun for kids but might also have the added benefit of getting them to try new foods.
If you have a child who hates having their hair brushed or done, have your child give you a crazy hair-do. They will love this role reversal.
If your child is having trouble remembering to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, tell them to pretend like the laundry basket is a basketball hoop and see if they can make it in from a certain point in their room (just make sure they know that they still have to put the clothes in the hamper if they “miss”).
Have a child that hates brushing their teeth? Pretend to find something in their mouth while brushing teeth (“Oh wow, is that a tiny unicorn in your mouth?!? Let me brush it out!”)
Sing or use a funny voice to give instructions. Your child will much more likely to listen and it may help your stress levels as well!
Enjoy nature together in a way you normally wouldn’t. Jump in piles of leaves, put on raincoats and go play outside in the rain, bury each other in sand, climb a tree together, play in a creek together even if you get wet and muddy, look up at the clouds or stars, etc.
Tell each other knock-knock jokes
Have a staring contest.
Play feelings charades. You or your child acts out an emotion and the other one has to guess which emotion it is. Make the emotions exaggerated to make it more fun. An added benefit is that your child is working on their emotional knowledge which in turn increases their empathy.
Build a fort together.
Make reading together more fun. Go under a blanket with a flashlight, read in a hammock, or read to them while they play or craft.
Overall Translation
Being more playful as a parent has many benefits for children’s development and may make your own day-to-day parenting a little bit easier. You are also teaching your child the important coping skill of using humor to manage challenging situations.
Here are some tips for incorporating playfulness into your parenting life:
Focus on “finding the smile” or “finding the laugh” for your individual child. Make sure you are using play approaches that your particular child enjoys. For example, some children love rough and wild play like being thrown in the air while some children prefer more quiet and calm play like a subtle joke. You might have to a few different approaches to see what really brings out the smile or laugh in your child.
Don’t use play or humor to invalidate their feelings. If your child is experiencing some genuine negative emotions, make sure you acknowledge and validate their emotions before using playfulness to defuse the situation. If they don’t seem receptive to playfulness or humor at a particular time, then change your tactic and don’t use it.
Consider times during the day when implementing play or humor may be helpful. Think of times in the day that you experience power struggles or it seems like your child isn’t listening to you. It may be useful to incorporate playfulness into certain daily rituals to encourage your child to cooperate.
Help your child to learn to use playfulness and humor on their own. Playfulness is an important coping skill that you can teach your child to use even if you are not present. Teach them this skill by asking them questions like: How can we make this more fun? Can you think of anything funny about this situation? Can we turn this into an adventure or game? How could we make this boring task a little more interesting?
Do not use playfulness or humor to mock or tease your child. Be careful that your playfulness or humor is not making them feel bad. If you aren't sure, you can always ask them how it makes them feel.
Address your own anxiety and depression that might make playfulness difficult. Research finds that emotional difficulties in parents may be associated with less parent playfulness which then leads to more challenging behavior in children. You can address your own symptoms of anxiety by seeking help from a mental health professional.
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Welcome to the Parenting Translator newsletter! I am Dr. Cara Goodwin, a licensed psychologist with a PhD in child psychology and mother to four children (currently a newborn, 3-year-old, 5-year-old, and 8-year-old). I specialize in taking all of the research that is out there related to parenting and child development and turning it into information that is accurate, relevant, and useful for parents! I recently turned these efforts into a non-profit organization since I believe that all parents deserve access to unbiased and free information. This means that I am only here to help YOU as a parent so please send along any feedback, topic suggestions, or questions that you have! You can also find me on Instagram @parentingtranslator, on TikTok @parentingtranslator, and my website (www.parentingtranslator.org).
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I hope they are helpful on your parenting journey!!
It is hard I swear in the end it makes things easier.