Thank you for putting together such a comprehensive, informative and - perhaps most importantly - kind piece on what can be a horribly stressful experience for new parents, myself included! It makes for a very reassuring read.
We had this issue when my kid first went to pre-school! I panicked, and it felt like the end of the world. As with a lot of parenting problems, it passed sooner than I thought it would (and we were on to the next end-of-the-world problem). Thank you for writing about it.
A lot of the resources online are about a kid hitting out of frustration. My kid didn't hit for that reason, but rather because of poor social expression and a lack of words. Just in case a reader skims down here, I thought I'd mention one of the ways we managed that situation.
A friend of mine said that she thought hitting was hilarious as a kid; she had the same reaction to it as when you startle another person as a gentle prank. She stopped because her mother stated that it wasn't allowed, and walked her through the logic and context of that rule. In other words, she needed a simple explanation of the conditions of society. It changed my approach. I gave super stripped-down rules and described simple consequences. I emphasized strategies that would help my kid manage impulse and communication. (I think this could also be an effective strategy for kids who are struggling with the relational aspects of development due to ADHD and ASD. My friend has classic ADHD and struggled to develop in that area.)
This couldn’t be more timely! 😅 And while my kid can be the aggressor she’s often also the victim so if there’s any research on how to encourage kids to (safely) stand up for themselves, I’m all ears!
Thank you for putting together such a comprehensive, informative and - perhaps most importantly - kind piece on what can be a horribly stressful experience for new parents, myself included! It makes for a very reassuring read.
This is some of the best parenting material I have read in yeas! How does this have so little reach!?
We had this issue when my kid first went to pre-school! I panicked, and it felt like the end of the world. As with a lot of parenting problems, it passed sooner than I thought it would (and we were on to the next end-of-the-world problem). Thank you for writing about it.
A lot of the resources online are about a kid hitting out of frustration. My kid didn't hit for that reason, but rather because of poor social expression and a lack of words. Just in case a reader skims down here, I thought I'd mention one of the ways we managed that situation.
A friend of mine said that she thought hitting was hilarious as a kid; she had the same reaction to it as when you startle another person as a gentle prank. She stopped because her mother stated that it wasn't allowed, and walked her through the logic and context of that rule. In other words, she needed a simple explanation of the conditions of society. It changed my approach. I gave super stripped-down rules and described simple consequences. I emphasized strategies that would help my kid manage impulse and communication. (I think this could also be an effective strategy for kids who are struggling with the relational aspects of development due to ADHD and ASD. My friend has classic ADHD and struggled to develop in that area.)
This couldn’t be more timely! 😅 And while my kid can be the aggressor she’s often also the victim so if there’s any research on how to encourage kids to (safely) stand up for themselves, I’m all ears!
Excellent article! I love how Cara Goodwin offers research-based tips plus a whole lot of compassion for both children and parents!