Nine Tricks For Getting to School On Time
The strategies that I use as a psychologist and mother of four
Source: Jessica Pope/Pexels
Now that the school year is finally back in swing, many parents are struggling with the nearly impossible feat of getting their kids to school on time. Whether you are rushing to get them to the bus stop on time or hurrying out of the door to the car, it is hard for this process to not feel like a mad dash that only causes stress for parents and kids. After much trial-and-error in my own house and with the families I’ve worked with, here are some of the strategies that I recommend as a psychologist and mother of four:
First, Then: Using the language “first, then” is a clear way to break down the expected order of events and build in logical consequences for your child. For example, you can create a rule that kids are not allowed to play or really do anything else until they are completely ready for school. You can remind kids of this rule by saying something like: “First eat breakfast, then play.” For older children, you could take their phone away until they are completely ready. The idea is that if they don’t get ready in time, they lose the opportunity to play or do an activity of their choosing. This is an example of a “logical consequence” (translation: a consequence that is related to your child’s behavior), which research finds is one of the most effective parenting techniques.
Alarm clocks or timers: Children do not have a strong concept of time and have not yet developed time management skills, so it is very difficult for them to accurately pace their morning routine and to know when they need to leave in order to get to school on time. Alarm clocks and timers can help your children to better understand time and keep them on task during the getting ready routine. I have an Amazon Alexa in my kitchen with two morning alarms set— one alarm for five minutes before we need to leave and a second alarm for the time we need to leave the house. The first alarm lets us know that it is time to put on shoes and coats, grab lunches and backpacks, and start moving toward the car, and the second alarm lets us know that it is actually time to leave. I also use the timer on my Apple Watch as motivation to complete smaller tasks (“I’m setting my timer for 3 minutes. Please have your clothes on and be downstairs before my timer goes off”). You can also use a visual timer, such as the Time Timer, to give your children a more clear sense of time. Research finds that using visual timers like the Time Timer may be linked to improved self-regulation skills (although this is a very small study and further research is needed).
Reward charts: Contrary to what you might have heard on social media, there is no evidence that using rewards for something like getting ready for school will decrease intrinsic motivation or have any negative impact on children (see here for a research review). For younger children, it can be helpful to use more immediate rewards like stickers. For older children, you can use a reward chart. You can make a simple paper reward chart, order one like this from Amazon, or use an app. I use the app Stellar and I love it— it is very easy to use and extremely motivating for kids.
A breakfast you can potentially take on the road: On mornings when you are really rushing, it is good to have a breakfast that you can grab and have your child eat in the car or at the bus stop. I try to keep frozen waffles or muffins on hand just in case we don't have time for a full breakfast.
Socks that don’t feel “weird”: Many children struggle with the final step of leaving for school because they have a sensory issue with socks. It might take some trial-and-error, but try to find socks that your child doesn’t hate. Some children prefer longer socks and some prefer shorter. Some prefer thinner socks and some prefer thicker. In my house, the winners have been Bombas socks and these stocking socks. It may also be the shoes or the coat that triggers your child’s sensory issues. If you think this might be the case, addressing the specific sensory issues may help your child to get out the door more quickly. If you can’t figure it out on your own, consult with an occupational therapist who specializes in sensory sensitivities.
Stick to the exact same routine every morning: Research finds many benefits of routines. If you follow a very specific routine for getting ready for school for several weeks, it eventually becomes “automated” and you don’t have to remind or prompt your child every step of the way. Creating a visual reminder for this routine (like the one below) can help it to become second nature for your kids.
Source: Printablee
Division of Responsibility: You may have heard about the division of responsibility with eating, but you can also apply this principle to getting ready for school. Decide what you are responsible for and what your child is responsible for on school mornings, and then stick only to your jobs. This division of responsibility will save you time as your child takes over more tasks and will eliminate power struggles. For example, you might be responsible for filling their water bottle but they are responsible for putting it into their backpack. If they forget to put it in their backpack, then they will face the natural consequence of not having a water bottle at school. Natural consequences are logical consequences that occur without a parent having to do anything and the use of natural consequences may help your child to learn to take responsibility for their own actions.
Give instructions clearly and effectively: When you are giving your child instructions in the morning, make sure you give only one very specific instruction at a time (“Put your plate in the sink” instead of “Clean up and put your shoes on”). Also, make sure you are not stating the command as a question or suggestion (“Please put on your shoes” instead of “Do you want to put on your shoes?” or “Let’s put on our shoes”). A parenting intervention called Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) that is backed by decades of research provides these suggestions for giving instructions to children.
Find a podcast or audiobook they love: Finding a podcast or audiobook that your children really love will encourage them to get in the car when they are dragging. If your child takes the bus, they could listen to the podcast or the audiobook while they wait for the bus (the quicker they get ready, the more time they have to listen). If you’re looking for a new podcast, some of our current favorites are Grimm, Grimmer, Grimmest and 5 for 5 Trivia. The rule in my house is that, if we are all in car by a certain time, we can listen to the podcast or audiobook of their choice, otherwise they have to listen to “my music” (terrible punishment, right?).
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Welcome to the Parenting Translator newsletter! I am Dr. Cara Goodwin, a licensed psychologist with a PhD in child psychology and mother to four children (currently a 1-year-old, 4-year-old, 6-year-old, and 9-year-old). I specialize in taking all of the research that is out there related to parenting and child development and turning it into information that is accurate, relevant, and useful for parents! I recently turned these efforts into a non-profit organization since I believe that all parents deserve access to unbiased and free information. This means that I am only here to help YOU as a parent so please send along any feedback, topic suggestions, or questions that you have! You can also find me on Instagram @parentingtranslator, on TikTok @parentingtranslator, and my website (www.parentingtranslator.com).
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My toddler will start going to school next season. I'll keep this handy for her. :)
I love the suggestion for Stellar! I never knew this existed but am so glad I do now!