Can Routines Make Parenting a Little Easier?

Why routines are important and three research-backed routines to start today

Jan 11, 2023

Source: Monstera/Pexels

If you are like me, you can’t wait to get back to a routine after weeks of having no structure, eating too much, and relaxing a few too many family rules. Over winter break, even my 4-year-old said, “I can’t wait to get back to school so I can be in a routine.” It is clear that both kids and parents seem to do best with some kind of routine or structure.

So let’s discuss the research behind routines. Why do routines matter? How do you create good routines and stick to them? What are some routines that are backed by research that you can start today?

Why Are Routines Important?

Family routines can be defined as any activity that your family regularly engages in that involves two or more family members. Family routines could include mealtimes, bedtimes, chores, activities of daily living (getting ready for school, bathing, brushing teeth, etc), or fun activities that happen in a regular and predictable way.

The use of family routines are associated with the following benefits:

A bedtime routine is perhaps the most important routine of all. Research finds that bedtime routines are associated with many positive sleep benefits, including:

How Can Routines Make Your Life Easier?

Routines are comforting for both children and parents. Routines help children to feel safe and secure and prevent them from worrying about what will come next, which frees up their minds to learn about the world around them. Routines also help children to understand what is expected from them, to connect with parents and caregivers, and to work on social skills. Routines also help to eliminate power struggles. If your child brushes their teeth every single night, it is no longer a fight about whether they will be brushing their teeth or not. Routines may also help young children with transitioning from one activity to the next. For example, if you always say “goodbye” to the playground, it will be easier for children to know it is time to leave and accept this transition.

How Do You Get Some Routines Started in Your Life?

Routines are clearly important but the hardest part of establishing any routine is getting it started. This is particularly true when you feel like you are already struggling to get through everything you have to do in a day. So the following tips may help:

Call a family meeting and decide together what routine you will start for your family. Sit down together as a family and come up with a new routine you would like to implement, whether it is a more consistent bedtime routine, a more seamless plan to get ready for school in the mornings, a family movie night, or a plan for chores on the weekend.
Identify at least one part of the routine that will be fun for your child (in order to motivate them to be invested in the new routine). For example, if you are trying to follow a more consistent bedtime routine include some one-on-one special play time or special book reading into the bedtime routine list. If you want to start a new chore system on the weekends, maybe you decide that everyone gets to eat donuts together when you are done.
For more complicated routines, order the tasks in a way that makes sense and tends to involve a “less fun” activity followed by a “more fun” activity. For example, putting on shoes followed by racing to the car. Then, create a chart with your child that includes words and pictures. Refer to the chart frequently during the routine.
Decide together when and how often the routine will happen. Research finds that what really matters is how consistent the routines are rather than how frequently they occur. For example, it would be better if the routine happened consistently once per week rather than inconsistently every day.
Start small. Implement one new routine at a time. Try your new routine out for just one day and see how it works or try only one part of your routine at first. After trying out the routine, have another family meeting to see if it is working for everyone. Make any needed changes and then try the routine again.

Three Research-Backed Routines to Start Today

So what are some examples of routines that you can work into your schedule that are fun and backed by research? Here are three possible routines you can start today to improve your family life:

Storytelling and songs: Research finds that, when parents regularly engage in storytelling (that is, making up stories and telling them to their children) and singing songs to their children, their children show improved social-emotional skills. Specifically, storytelling was associated with children being 1.9 times more likely to have advanced social-emotional skills and singing songs to children was associated with children being 1.5 times more likely to have advanced social-emotional skills.The best thing about storytelling and songs is that they can be seamlessly incorporated into your everyday routine without much additional work. You can start telling your children stories on the way to school or you can sing songs while they are in the bath or during diaper changes or “potty time.”
Special time: Special time is regular one-on-one time that you spend with your child. Although you might be thinking that you already spend a lot of time with your child, special time is different. Special time involves your attention fully focused on your child with no distractions— no siblings, no phones, no TV on in the background, no checking on dinner or changing over the laundry. Special time also involves following your child’s lead. They choose what to do and you just follow along—trying to avoid questions, demands or even teaching moments. It might sound simple but it will have a huge impact on your relationship and improve your child’s behavior. Nearly every effective parenting program supported by research includes “special time” as an essential step, such as Parent-Child Interaction Therapy and the Incredible Years. Research involving these parenting programs finds that “special time” alone (even before other elements of the parenting program are implemented) seems to significantly improve children’s behavior. Research also finds that children who played with a parent or relative several times per week were 30% more likely to have enhanced social-emotional skills.
Family meals: Research finds that having family meals has many long-term benefits for children including making children less likely to experience disordered eating, feelings of depression, academic issues, and problems with aggression and oppositional behavior. Children who eat family meals are also more likely to show healthier eating habits, improved health, and advanced social-emotional skills. Research also suggests that some of these benefits may also extend to infants and toddlers. Yet, most parents know that, in the real world, implementing family meals may be difficult for many different reasons including work or extracurricular schedules and children who have difficulty sitting down for a full meal. If having a family meal once per day is not a realistic goal for you, then try for three days per week. Research suggests that three times per week may be sufficient to have an impact. If even three times a week is too much, start with just one good family meal per week and build up to more over time. Remember that the family meal can be breakfast, lunch on the weekends, or even a pre-bedtime snack!

Expert Review

All Parenting Translator newsletters are reviewed by experts in the topic to make sure that they are as helpful and as accurate for parents as possible. Today’s newsletter was reviewed by Dr. Jordana Mortimer and Dr. Erin Avirett, Child Psychologists. Dr. Mortimer and Avirett are co-founders of Mind & Child, an online resource for research-based parenting advice. They have created Parenting 101, which is a video-based parenting course that covers key parenting principles, in bite-sized pieces, based on decades of research. The art of consistency, emotional regulation, and behavioral supports have their own videos! Check out more about their course, and become a member of the Mind & Child community, for $13/ month, here.

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