Finding Out "The Truth" About Santa Claus

The research behind finding out about Santa and how to handle it as a parent

Dec 21, 2022

Source: Betty Llensa/ Pexels

The topic of Santa Claus is one that is so rife with parenting dilemmas that it seemed like a second newsletter might be necessary. In last week’s newsletter, I discussed the research on encouraging belief in Santa and addressed the following hot-button topics:

Should parents use Santa to encourage “good” behavior?
Is it lying to encourage belief in Santa?

If you missed last week’s newsletter, read it here!

In this week’s newsletter, I will discuss the research on “finding out” about Santa, including:

Will children be upset when they “find out”?
Can parents encourage children to believe for longer?

I will also include a note on the problem of economic differences among families and how parents can explain why Santa might bring one children significantly more presents than another child.

Will Children Be Upset When They Find Out “The Truth”?

Research finds that, on average, children stop believing in Santa around age 7 (however, this study was conducted in 1994 so that statistic may have changed— yet see graph below showing that the age of “finding out” is actually pretty stable over time). How do children find out? Research finds that 54% of children discover the truth on their own, 33% are told by parents, and 13% through a combination of asking parents and finding out on their own. For most children, the process of “finding out” is typically a gradual process rather than one single event.

Source: Anderson, C. J., & Prentice, N. M. (1994). Encounter with reality: children's reactions on discovering the Santa Claus myth. Child Psychiatry and Human Development, 25(2), 67-84.

So how do children feel when they find out the truth about Santa? Are they devastated? Do they lose all trust for their parents? One study addressed this question by examining children’s reactions to finding out the “truth” about Santa through interviews with 52 children who no longer believed in Santa. Parents also completed a questionnaire to assess their efforts to promote belief in Santa and their own ratings of their children’s reaction to hearing the truth.

Children reported a wide range of emotions when finding out, but most children reported some positive reactions to finding out (62% reported that they felt “happy” after finding out). Some children also reported negative emotions such as sad (48%), disappointed (48%), or angry (35%), but most reported that the intensity of these emotions was very minimal (rated as 2% or less on a scale of emotional intensity). Interestingly, the children of parents who encouraged belief in Santa more, actually showed less distress over finding out. There was no difference in how distressed children felt depending on whether they heard the news from their parents or found out on their own.

Importantly, most newly disbelieving children (75%) reported that they would teach their own children about Santa.

However, parents actually reported more negative rather than positive emotions over the transition with 40% of parents reporting they were sad and only 6% reporting that they were happy, suggesting that this transition may be harder for parents than children in some ways.

Limitations of this research include that this study was relatively small (only 52 children) and conducted in 1994 (unfortunately there is not a more recent study on this topic). In addition, it is unclear how recently the children stopped believing (the children were 9 to 12 years so they may have been recalling emotions from years ago. It is very possible that some of the children may not remember their feelings being as intense as they were in the moment of finding out. Finally, the study included mostly White children from middle-class families.

TRANSLATION: This research is based on a small, older study but nevertheless provides some evidence that most children may not be significantly distressed when finding out about Santa. However, this study did not follow children long-term and does not rule out the possibility that there may be a small subset of children who are upset by this realization. As with every parenting decision, do what works best for your family!

Can Parents Encourage Children to Believe for Longer?

Some parents may be relieved when their children stop believing in Santa and some parents may feel desperate to hold on to this belief for as long as possible. So is there anything you can do as a parent if you want your child to keep believing?

The research suggests that there likely isn’t much that you can do since most children seem to stop believing in Santa when they develop a greater understanding of causality, physics, and biology and they realize that Santa violates this knowledge. Young children (preschool and early school-age children) are still developing the ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality and will accept “magical” explanations for events that 9-year-old children and adults would not. Research also finds that children start questioning Santa at the same time that they start understanding why other events are physically impossible. As parents, we of course would not want to stop or slow down this development in any way so there may not be anything we can do to really delay children “finding out.”

However, research finds that parents definitely play into the Santa belief while children are still young. One study found that the more live Santa experiences a child is exposed to, the more likely they are to believe that Santa is real. In addition, this study found that the more parents encouraged a belief in Santa, the less likely children are to question it. Another study found that parent attitudes toward Santa (such as believing Santa provides fun and excitement for children) is associated with the child believing for longer, yet outwardly encouraging belief (reading books or watching movies about Santa and telling your child about Santa) was not.

TRANSLATION: There may not be much you can do to extend your child’s belief in Santa since finding out the truth is mostly related to cognitive development. However, if you want to encourage a belief in Santa for young children, your own behaviors (such as taking children to see Santa) and attitudes may encourage your child to believe. On the other hand, if you would like to discourage belief, your own behaviors and attitudes may help as well.

Overall Translation

If you choose to encourage belief in Santa, the realization that Santa is not real is a difficult transition for parents and children. Keep in mind the following when you are faced with this transition:

Handle children finding out about Santa with empathy. There is no reason to dread your child “finding out” about Santa. Most children have mixed emotions about finding out but overall do not seem to be too upset. However, you should not assume that they are going to have the reaction of the average child. Parents should make sure to ask children about their emotions throughout the process and explain how they might have both positive and negative emotions during this transition. Parents should also try to validate and accept all emotions, even if they feel angry or “tricked” by you in this transition.
When children find out, provide a clear explanation: If you suspect your child no longer believes in Santa, first ask them open-ended questions such as “What do you think about Santa?” Then allow them to explain their thinking about Santa without judgment or a strong emotional response. If they continue to doubt Santa, you can explain in clear terms where the idea of Santa comes from and the intentions of those who tell their children that Santa is real (that is, they are trying to help Christmas feel more magical rather than they are trying to “trick” their children– assuming that is what you actually believe). This explanation may help children to understand that it was “prosocial lying” (a type of lying to benefit others), which may help them to maintain trust in you and other adults.
Remember that there is likely not much you can do to extend your child’s belief in Santa. Try not to get mad at your neighbor’s child or your child’s older sibling for “ruining the magic.” Most children reach this realization on their own around age 7 due to gaining a better understanding of how the world works. Keep in mind that your child “finding out” about Santa is a sign of cognitive development. Although you may be sad that the magic of Santa is over, you should also celebrate this milestone.

One Last Question: Does the Idea of Santa Make Children From Poor Families Think They Might Be on the “Naughty” List?

There is one more major problem with the Santa myth that is important to mention. Although there is a pervasive message throughout our society that presents are based on “nice” or “naughty” status, the number of presents a child actually gets is likely based mostly on the parents’ economic status. After Chistmas, children talk and compare what they received to what their friends and classmates received and make assumptions based on this as to whether they are on the “nice” or “naughty” list. You can see how this would make a child feel terrible when they only only received a book from Santa and their classmate received an iPad, a video game system, AND a new trampoline. It would be hard not to feel a deep sense of unworthiness and that Santa doesn't love you as much for some reason.

A tongue-in-cheek article published in the British Medical Journal in 2016 examined whether the number of Santa visits to pediatric hospitals was related to the socioeconomic status or the surrounding area (translation: how wealthy or poor the surrounding around was) versus whether children were “naughty” or “nice” (measured as local school absence and youth crime rates). They found an association with the socioeconomic status of the area (see graph below) but not with the “naughtiness” measure.

Source: Park, J. J., Coumbe, B. G., Park, E. H., Tse, G., Subramanian, S. V., & Chen, J. T. (2016). Dispelling the nice or naughty myth: retrospective observational study of Santa Claus. British Medical Journal, 355.

To prevent this harmful outcome, parents should explain this disparity to their children in terms their children can understand and feel right for them. For example, parents may say something like the following: “Some children do not receive as many gifts as others or may even receive no gifts at all on Christmas. It may be because they do not have a house, or they have a different sized chimney. We don’t totally understand why. It does not mean that they are “naughty” or they don’t deserve gifts.” Then talk about ways you might be able to help these children, such as donating some gently used toys, volunteering at a toy drive, or buying gifts through the Amazon wish list of an organization that works with these families. It may also be helpful to have only a limited number of presents from Santa and/or have those presents be of lower value and to tell the child that all other presents from parents or family member.

Expert Review

All Parenting Translator newsletters are reviewed by experts in the topic to make sure that they are as helpful and as accurate for parents as possible. Today’s newsletter was reviewed by Dr. Kristyn Sommer. Dr. Kristyn Sommer has a PhD in Developmental Psychology and her research focuses on exploring how children engage in social learning from technology including screen time and social robots. Dr. Sommer is a postdoctoral research fellow in Psychology at Griffith University. Outside of the university, Dr. Sommer communicates science on social media through her TikTok and Instagram.

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