Santa Claus: A Fun Holiday Tradition or a Harmful Lie?

The research behind Santa Claus, the Naughty or Nice List, and whether it is wrong to "lie" about Santa

Dec 16, 2022

Source: Pexels/Gustavo Bring

I will never forget when my older brother “found out” about Santa. We were at a holiday gathering and someone mentioned that their kids were “too old for Santa.” My brother, who was already skeptical, instantly pounced on this comment. “You can’t be too old for Santa,” he insisted. He was about to say something else when my mom quickly escorted him upstairs. After telling him the “truth,” he came back downstairs looking like he had seen a ghost. My little sister and I begged him to tell us what she had said— we knew it had to be important. Yet, despite our begging, he adamantly refused. All he said was, “Cara you are not going to know for a long time, and Devon [my littlest sister] she can never know.” This moment was the first of many moments that eventually led me to the gradual realization that Santa was not real. Since having children myself, I have loved “playing Santa” for them and seeing their experience of the magic of Christmas. However, even as a mostly pro-Santa parent, I can’t help but be swayed by some of the arguments against Santa I have heard and I have doubted whether I have chosen the right approach.

In recent years, it seems that Santa has become an increasingly controversial subject with many parents and experts arguing that promoting this myth may actually be harmful for children. Critics of Santa argue that using a fictional character to judge behavior and the idea of a “naughty” and “nice” list is not only ineffective but moreover teaches children to behave only to avoid being on the “naughty” list and that this messaging may even have a negative impact on children in the long-term. Many parents also worry that they might be lying to their children or omitting the truth in a deceptive way by encouraging belief in Santa.

In today’s newsletter, I will dive into the research on encouraging belief in Santa and will address the following hot-button topics:

Should parents use Santa to encourage “good” behavior?
Is it lying to encourage belief in Santa?

In next week’s newsletter, I will talk about the research on “finding out” about Santa, including:

Will children be upset when they “find out”?
Can parents encourage children to believe for longer?

Should You Use Santa to Encourage “Good” Behavior (aka the Naughty or Nice List)?

Throughout the month of December, many parents who celebrate Christmas (and even some who don’t) rely on Santa Claus to regulate their children’s behaviors. More recently, parents have even started to use one of Santa’s elves (the “Elf on the Shelf”) to provide children with a daily reminder that someone is watching them and reporting their behavior back to Santa. At nearly every holiday activity, you will hear parents warning their children that “Santa is watching” or “You better be good if you want Christmas presents.” This message is pervasive in our culture— songs, movies, TV shows, and even Santa at the mall or older relatives asking “Have you been good?”.

So does this strategy actually work in improving children’s behavior? And, if so, are children only behaving to earn presents rather than developing an intrinsic motivation to be kind or cooperate? Finally, how might this strategy impact children in the long-term?

This strategy is unlikely to actually improve behavior. The behavioral principle behind Santa is that the promise of a later reward (that is, presents on Christmas) will lead children to turn down the option of a more immediate reward (such as doing what they want instead of listening to a parent). However, research finds that most young children are not capable of turning down one reward for a later reward even if it is only a few minutes later, so it seems highly unlikely that children would change behavior for a reward up to 25 days later. In addition, as children get older, this strategy may become even more ineffective as children learn that this reward is not actually based on performance (in other words, most children still get presents on Christmas whether they behaved according to parent expectations or not).

In addition, the “nice” and “naughty” list isn’t always framed in a positive way and often involves threats of punishment (“No Christmas presents if you don’t start listening” or “If you’re on the ‘naughty’ list, you will get nothing but coal”). However, research suggests that punishment (even non-physical punishment) is associated with more unkind behaviors in children. In addition, research suggests that a threat of negative consequences may also be ineffective at promoting positive behavior in children. For example, telling children a story which emphasizes the negative consequences of lying does not seem to be associated with more honesty in children.

Even if Santa does change behavior for the month of December, it may decrease intrinsic motivation to behave after the holiday season. Even when Santa is framed positively as a way for children to earn rewards for “good” behavior, research suggests that this strategy is likely not effective at improving behavior in the long-run because it may decrease intrinsic motivation (that is, a child’s internal drive to behave). Research finds that tangible rewards (such as presents) that are expected (that is, promised in advance) and are not linked to performance (as is often the case for Christmas presents) are associated with decreased intrinsic motivation. This means that, even if the promise of Christmas presents resulted in improved behavior during the month of December, children might actually become less likely to continue to choose to behave appropriately after the promise of Christmas presents is removed. Put even more simply, your child may become more likely to “misbehave” after Christmas is over as a result of offering this type of reward.

When you use this strategy as a threat, it may also have other negative consequences. Research also indicates that telling children lies to regulate their behavior is associated with increased anxiety in the teenage years and being less well-adjusted in the adult years (more on lying below). In practice, Santa also typically involves expressing disappointment and shaming children for misbehavior. Research also finds that expressing disappointment and shaming children as a discipline tactic may be associated with increased anxiety and aggression in children.

TRANSLATION: Avoid linking Santa to behavior or any discussion of the “nice” and “naughty” list. This strategy is not only likely to be ineffective in improving your child’s behavior but may also have some unintended negative consequences.

Is It Lying to Encourage Belief in Santa?

So it seems clear from the research that using Santa to change your child’s behavior is linked to negative consequences. So can you just do the whole Santa thing without discussing behavior or the “nice” and “naughty” list? Or does promoting these myths mean you are “lying” to your child?

First, it is important to note that lying to children in some way is very common in parents. One study found that 84% of parents in the US and 98% of parents in China lie to their children. Interestingly, parents in the US were more likely to lie to control their child’s emotions and parents in China were more likely to lie to control their child’s behavior.

Research is pretty clear that lying to manipulate your child’s behavior (I will refer to it as controlling lying here) is associated with negative consequences. Research finds that controlling lying is associated with increased anxiety in the teenage years and being less well-adjusted in the adult years. This research suggests that parents should try to avoid using Santa to control their child’s behavior (although of course, this is only a correlation and it is very possible that these negative impacts may be caused by a general difference in parenting style).

However, it remains unclear whether simply lying (or omitting the truth) about Santa without linking it to behavior has a negative impact on children. There is also some evidence that school-age children may be more likely to lie when they see it modeled. One study found that, when adults lie to school-age children, they are more likely to cheat and lie as a result (however, this study found that preschool-age children do not show increased cheating and lying when they observe an adult lie).

In addition, the lies that most parents tell about Santa (when they are not using threats of Santa to control behavior) is a different kind of lying— it is often lying with the hopes of making their child happy or their child’s Christmas more magical. This type of lying that is intended to benefit others is called prosocial lying in the research. Research finds that prosocial lying is linked to compassion for another person and that children maintain trust for an adult when they find out that the adult lied to benefit others versus when the adult lied to them to benefit themselves. Therefore, it is possible that these types of lies wouldn’t have the same impact on children.

Finally, for young children, talking about Santa leaving gifts can be a type of pretend play (you can even tell them that it is pretend play if that feels right to you). Pretend play is developmentally normal for young children and it is typical for them that pretend play blurs with reality sometimes.

TRANSLATION: Research finds that lying to your children in hopes of controlling their behavior is associated with negative outcomes. In addition, it is possible that children may model lying (or omitting the truth) when they see their parents doing it in this context. However, it is also possible that children understand that parents were lying for their benefit and it may not negatively impact the trust they have in their parents.

Overall Translation

Promoting belief in Santa is a very personal decision that each family must make for themselves based on many different factors. Parents should try to decide the messaging they would like their children to get about Santa as soon as possible and make sure they are on the same page as their parenting partner if they have one.

Whether or not you decide to encourage belief in Santa, the following takeaway messages from the research may be helpful for you:

Focus on the positive sides of Santa: Research finds that even thinking about Santa may make children behave more generously to others. Rather than focusing on the “nice” and “naughty” list this Christmas season, you can consider talking to your children about the kind and generous nature of Santa (or the kindness and generosity of anyone who gives gifts if you don’t do the Santa thing) and how they can embody the “Christmas spirit” in their own lives.
Improve your child’s behavior around the holidays by praising and paying attention to positive behavior: If you would like to reward your child’s good behavior throughout the holiday season (and beyond), use positive attention instead of empty threats. Have the Elf on the Shelf point out anything your child does right rather than what they did wrong. For example, “I noticed that you shared with your brother yesterday.” There is no reason to link it to presents or to label your child in any way. If you don’t do Elf on the Shelf or Santa, you can also use this strategy yourself and it will likely be even more effective. Research shows that positive attention from parents increases the likelihood that a child shows kind and cooperative behavior.
Handle challenging behavior around the holidays with more effective parenting strategies: Instead of using threats related to Santa as an unrelated consequence, use natural and logical consequences to manage your child’s challenging behavior during the holidays. Research suggests that the most effective parenting strategies for improving behavior involve logical and natural consequences rather than unrelated consequences. In other words, children are more likely to learn not to throw their Christmas cookies if you take away the cookies when they throw them rather than taking away presents 25 days later.

Expert Review

All Parenting Translator newsletters are reviewed by experts in the topic to make sure that they are as helpful and as accurate for parents as possible. Today’s newsletter was reviewed by Dr. Kristyn Sommer. Dr. Kristyn Sommer has a PhD in Developmental Psychology and her research focuses on exploring how children engage in social learning from technology including screen time and social robots. Dr. Sommer is a postdoctoral research fellow in Psychology at Griffith University. Outside of the university, Dr. Sommer communicates science on social media on TikTok and Instagram.

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