Does Having Sons Age You?
The research behind whether parents of boys actually have shorter lifespans, worse health, and age faster
Source: RDNE/Pexels
Most of the content for parents of sons on social media seems to be very negative, especially the content for “boy moms.” As a mother to two boys myself, I find some of this content sweet and relatable, but a lot of it is, frankly, obnoxious and verging on toxic. Recently I have seen posts circulating on social media claiming that boy moms don’t live as long and age faster than girl moms. My initial response to these posts was annoyance at yet another negative message being spread about being a parent to boys. However, when I dug into the research, I was surprised to find that there may be some truth to this claim— but it’s more complicated than you may think.
Main Research Findings
Research consistently finds that having sons is linked to a shorter lifespan and worse health in mothers. One study found that a mother’s risk of death per year increased by 7% for each son that they had (two sons would mean a 14% increase, 3 sons a 21% increase, etc.). A previous study conducted by the same authors found that, for every son a woman had, their lifespan decreased by 34 weeks while daughters were associated with a slightly increased lifespan (although this was not statistically significant). Interestingly fathers may not experience the same decrease in lifespan. Another study found that mothers reported worse health in old age with each son they had. Specifically, mothers had an 11% increased odds of reporting poor health in old age with each son that they had. Finally, a recent study found that parents of sons (both mothers and fathers) showed faster cognitive decline in old age.
Why Might This Be?
One theory that researchers have is that sons take more of a toll on a mother’s body (aka the expensive son hypothesis). The idea is that pregnancy, birth, and lactation of sons depletes maternal reserves more than daughters do and therefore the mother’s health may be negatively impacted. Supporting this idea, research finds that boys require more energy during pregnancy and lactation than girls. Research also finds that having sons may increase inflammation that contributes to degenerative diseases. In particular, research finds that having boys increases the risk for cardiovascular disease in mothers.
There may also be social factors at play, in addition to biological factors. For example, grandmothers are more involved in the care of their daughter’s children than their son’s children and being more involved in child care is linked to better health in old age. Daughters are also more likely than sons to provide care to their elderly parents, so parents of daughters may get better quality care in old age which could result in a longer lifespan and better health in old age.
However, there is no research finding that this association is caused by boys being more challenging or stressful than girls, as social media would suggest.
Why Parents of Boys Shouldn’t Be Too Worried
This research is all correlational so we cannot definitively say that having boys actually causes a shorter lifespan and more health problems. It may be that an underlying factor makes a person more likely to have a boy and more likely to have health problems. For example, higher levels of testosterone may make you more likely to have a boy and more likely to have health problems (and of course not all boy moms have higher levels of testosterone).
Some Positivity for Parents of Boys
As I said at the beginning of this newsletter, I hate the negativity around being a “boy mom” or a parent of boys more generally. Although I always strive to accurately report the research, I do not want to further this narrative. Of course, on a personal level, I can say that I love so many aspects of being a mother to my boys and even if they do shorten my lifespan, they more than make up for it in all of the joy they bring to my life. But what about the research? Does research find any benefits of being a parent to boys?
Unfortunately, the research on this topic is limited but we do have some evidence for positive outcomes associated with having boys. Mothers who only have sons are the most likely to report the highest level of happiness in their marriage and there is some evidence that parents with sons may be less likely to divorce. The birth of a son may also be linked to an easier transition to being parents than the birth of a daughter. A reason for all of this may be that fathers are more involved in caring for sons than daughters. Fathers of sons also make more money than fathers of daughters.
Research does find that girls show higher levels of positive emotions, and boys show higher activity levels and lower fear on average. The people who are negative about being a parent to boys may frame these personality traits as burdens or stressors, but an active and brave child can also be a lot of fun!
In addition, although pregnancies with boys may be harder on your body, mothers pregnant with boys may show better working memory and spatial skills than mothers pregnant with girls. The myth of morning sickness being worse when pregnant with girls is also true— women pregnant with boys show less severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy.
You may have also heard that sons are more likely to grow distant from their mothers in adulthood but fear not because research finds that unmarried sons are the most likely group to live with their mother in adulthood!
Overall Translation
There is some evidence that being a parent to boys is linked to a slightly shorter lifespan, an increased risk for health problems, and faster aging. While it is not completely clear why these associations occur, researchers speculate that sons may take more out of the mother during pregnancy and lactation and that sons may have different relationships with their parents in old age.
However, the most important point here is that these statistics are based on averages and have no predictive power for your life. This topic is a great example of how research typically only informs us about what is most likely to happen based on averages and not what will happen in your life. Just because the average mother of boys has a shorter lifespan does not mean that you will (or your partner will) die younger and just because daughters are more likely to provide care for elderly parents does not mean that you son won’t step up and be an incredible caretaker for you in old age. These stereotypes are not always true and you have a lot of power in deciding the type of relationship you have with your son.
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Welcome to the Parenting Translator newsletter! I am Dr. Cara Goodwin, a licensed psychologist with a PhD in child psychology and mother to four children (currently a 1-year-old, 4-year-old, 7-year-old, and 9-year-old). I specialize in taking all of the research that is out there related to parenting and child development and turning it into information that is accurate, relevant, and useful for parents! I recently turned these efforts into a non-profit organization since I believe that all parents deserve access to unbiased and free information. This means that I am only here to help YOU as a parent so please send along any feedback, topic suggestions, or questions that you have! You can also find me on Instagram @parentingtranslator, on TikTok @parentingtranslator, and my website (www.parentingtranslator.com).
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So interesting, Cara. And thanks for bringing perspective at the end when it comes to drawing conclusions from the research. Interesting topic - lots of food for thought.
As a boy mom, had to read this! Very interesting and I always appreciate your deep dives and research based analysis!