More Discipline That’s Actually Backed By Research

Six additional discipline strategies that actually work and are supported by research

Mar 13, 2025

Source: Monstera Production/Pexels

Earlier this year, I wrote a newsletter on discipline that quickly became my most popular newsletter to date. I wrote this newsletter because I was frustrated with the lack of concrete guidance on discipline in the parenting world. Most parenting advice I see on the internet includes a lot of vague theoretical ideas (“Be a confident leader!” “Behavior is communication!”) and a lot of what you should not do (“Don’t say ‘good job’ or ‘I’m proud of you’!”) , but very little about what you actually can do. Our lives as parents are so complicated that we often just need some concrete tools to get through the day but in all of the parenting content that I consume daily (which is a lot), I rarely see this type of specific guidance.

Many parents are surprised to find out that research actually provides a lot of concrete strategies for parents. Critics may argue that most of the strategies supported by research are based on behaviorism, which these critics would claim focuses only on whether your child is behaving appropriately and not your child’s internal experience. These critics would argue that children aren’t dogs being trained to fetch and we should be more worried about our child’s internal experience than whether they behave. They would also argue that parenting isn’t about raising a mini-me who does whatever you ask but developing a lifelong relationship with another human being who ultimately has their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Of course, as a child psychologist, I couldn’t agree more with this sentiment, but I also think it is possible to use these behavioral approaches while also considering your child’s internal experience and fostering a healthy and loving parent-child relationship. It’s also important to remember that we are raising our kids to live in a world in which behavioral rewards and consequences are here to stay (whether you agree that this is how the world should be or not). For example, your child’s salary as an adult will likely be based on their job performance and not their connection with their boss. Your child can also expect to get a ticket if they run a red light even if they are distracted by grief over losing a loved one. I would argue that a child’s internal experience and connection to others definitely matter, but so does learning behaviors that will help them to be more successful in this world (and help parents to get through the day).

Research-Backed Discipline Strategies

I recently found this review of reviews on discipline (translation: a review paper is a summary of all relevant research on a topic and review of reviews is a summary of all of those review papers so a review of reviews is a very comprehensive overview of a topic). This paper identified over 60 discipline strategies with moderate to large amounts of evidence (translation: at least one review or meta-analysis found overall positive impacts of the strategy and at least 10 studies showed positive effects). I reviewed six of these strategies in my previous newsletter and in today’s newsletter I will review six additional strategies.

Token economy: A token economy is a reward system in which children earn points or tokens for behaviors that can then be traded in for rewards. A common example of a token economy is a sticker chart (here are some adorable customizable charts that I love). Tokens can also include points or check marks on a piece of paper, poker chips, printed cards with smiley faces, fake gold coins, or even points on an app. I use an app called Stellar with my kids as an online reward chart. It’s so easy to use and my kids love the special effects of moving a star over on their chart (which gives them an immediate reward). There are many other apps like Stellar— just search for “reward chart” in your App store!

Research finds that using a token economy improves children’s behavior. In addition, despite what you may have heard, research finds that reward systems actually do not decrease intrinsic motivation (and may even increase intrinsic motivation for tasks a child is not already interested in).

Here is how you can implement a token economy in your home:

Identify several behaviors that you would like to see more often or less often: If it is a behavior you want to see less often, then try to frame it positively such as “using gentle hands” instead of “no hitting”)
Decide on the rules for earning tokens and then explain them clearly to your child: Make sure to clearly explain the behavior you are looking for and when you will be observing them. Do they earn a token every time you see the behavior or will they earn a token after you have observed the behavior over a period of time? How many tokens do they need to earn to get the chance to choose a reward? How will you keep track of tokens?
Give tokens immediately and consistently after behavior: This reward system will only be effective if you give tokens immediately after the behavior and every time (or time period) that you observe the behavior. Research finds that immediate rewards are more likely to increase intrinsic motivation. Try to avoid taking tokens away since this may ultimately lead to the child feeling less motivated by the whole system.
Allow the child to select a reward: Give children a variety of options for rewards so they don’t get bored (you can create a reward “menu”). Rewards can be small toys or can be activities that aren’t too expensive and easily fit into your routine as a family, such as watching TV after dinner, an extra book at bedtime, baking a special item with a parent, painting their nails, taking a bubble bath, having a sleepover with a friend, or eating dinner at a favorite restaurant. This handout has a list of potential rewards if you need more ideas!

Planned ignoring: Planned ignoring is an approach that involves ignoring certain behaviors (but not ignoring your child). Your attention is one of the most powerful motivators for children, and you may be unintentionally encouraging problem behavior by paying attention to it. Planned ignoring is a deliberate way of avoiding this common mistake. In other words, planned ignoring is not punishing a child but it is simply taking away a powerful reward to a behavior that you do not want to reward. It is very important to clarify that you should only ignore minor behaviors (something annoying but not something that has the risk of harming your child or others) and you should not use this strategy when your child is dysregulated or needs your help to calm down. Examples of behaviors that may benefit from planned ignoring include whining, “potty talk,” teasing, being too loud, saying the same thing over and over again, interrupting you, or asking for something in a “rude” way. Research finds that this strategy helps to decrease the frequency of these types of unwanted behaviors. Here is how you can use planned ignoring:

Identify the behavior you are targeting: It should be a relatively minor behavior and one that has the goal of getting your attention.
When you notice this behavior, make a conscious effort to ignore the behavior: Do not make eye contact with your child, talk to your child, or show any response to the behavior (even rolling your eyes, sighing, or talking to someone else about their behavior).
As soon as your child stops the behavior, return positive attention to the child: Do not mention the behavior or thank them for stopping but simply re-engage in a positive interaction with your child.

A few important warnings. First, this strategy only works if you are giving your child a lot of positive attention throughout the day. They will only notice the withdrawal of your attention if they had it in the first place. This strategy also only works if you are also teaching appropriate replacement behaviors. For example, you can’t just ignore whining without also teaching children to ask for what they want using a normal tone of voice. Finally, it is important to mention that you may see an “extinction burst” which means that the behavior gets worse before it gets better. For example, if your child has been using whining to get your attention and you stop paying attention to their whining, they may think that they just need to whine louder or longer for it to “work.” When this happens, you must be very consistent in ignoring the behavior. If you slip and give the behavior attention, the child learns that they simply need to escalate the behavior for it to “work.”

Collaborative Problem-solving: This strategy refers to when adults and children use a systematic method for solving a problem together. Research finds that this approach is linked to improved parent-child relationship, fewer problem behaviors, and less parent stress. You can use collaborative problem-solving with your child using the following steps:

Get a piece of paper: Even if your child can’t read yet, writing it down will help to structure the conversation. Define the problem clearly and write it at the top of the paper. For example, let’s say bedtime is a nightmare. You might define the problem as “Bedtime is taking too long.”
Then both you and your child state their concerns about the problem: You may say that you are concerned that your child is going to bed too late and that you need time to clean up at night. Your child may say that they want time to read their favorite books and do not want to fall asleep alone.
Then you and your child come up with solutions together that address all of your concerns: Let your child generate a solution first and write down every possible solution that they come up with even if it seems outlandish or something you would never agree to— it is important that your child feels heard and that their efforts at generating solutions are encouraged.
You and your child then evaluate every option based on whether it addresses both your and their concerns and whether it would actually work: You then agree on a solution and try it out for a period of time. You also decide on a timeframe for when to discuss whether the solution worked or not. If it does not work, you go back to the solution list and try another solution until you find one that works.

Behavior Contracts: This strategy involves a document that is written up by a child and parent together and focuses on changing a specific behavior. The document clearly explains the expected behavior and what happens if the child engages in the expected behavior versus what happens if they don’t engage in the expected behavior. Research finds that this strategy reduces challenging behavior and improves school performance. First, define the behavior and make it as specific as possible. Then, describe the reward and, again, be as specific as possible. Both you and the child should sign the document to make it “official.”

For example:

Jack will be ready for school by 7:45am every day this week (dressed, ate breakfast, brushed teeth, packed backpack, and put on shoes and coat). If he meets this goal every day for one week, he gets to choose a toy of his choice at the dollar store on Friday afternoon.

Social Narratives or Social Stories: These are short, simple stories that explain to children what will happen and what behavior is expected of them. These stories are commonly used for children with autism but can be useful for children without autism as well. Research finds that social stories are associated with an increase in appropriate behavior and a decrease in inappropriate behavior. They can be used for new situations (such as the first day of school or the first time going to the dentist) or familiar situations in which you are seeing a lot of challenging behavior. There are many free social stories online (see here and here for examples) or you can write your own (hint: you can just use paper stapled together and stick figure drawings— it really doesn’t have to be Pinterest-perfect!).

For Example:

Kate likes playing with her little brother Owen and he likes playing with her. Sometimes when they are playing, Owen takes her toys. Kate feels frustrated when this happens. She might push or hit him when he takes her toys. Instead of hitting or pushing, Kate can walk away or she can ask a grown-up for help. Kate will feel proud of herself for using gentle hands and playing nicely with her brother.

Overall Translation

This newsletter was the second in a series that reviewed discipline strategies backed by research (see the first newsletter here). The goal of these newsletters is to give parents some concrete tools that have been shown to improve behavior rather than vague, theoretical ideas about parenting or prohibitions about what parents can’t do. Of course, these strategies may not feel right for you, your child, or your family. Just because they are backed by research doesn’t mean that they will work for you. These strategies may give you somewhere to start but, above all, trust your own judgement and make the choice that feels best for your family!

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More Discipline That’s Actually Backed By Research

Six additional discipline strategies that actually work and are supported by research

Source: Monstera Production/Pexels

Research-Backed Discipline Strategies

Overall Translation

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