This is such great advice no matter what age your children are. Having a newborn is definitely very difficult but so are the toddler years, the teenage years, and the college years! I love the idea that you need to find time for both connection time and problem-solving/schedule negotiation time. I have never done that and I can see why it is important NOT to mix them.
Love this newsletter so much. After forty years of marriage, three children - all young adults, two full-time careers - now retired, we were recently asked what makes a great marriage. I said communication and he said forgiveness. Those two are so important for longevity in parenting. Susan Landers, MD
The very best suggestion we ever got as new parents, along these lines, was to schedule a weekly check-in. We ask: How are you doing? How do you think we are doing as a couple? How are we doing, as parents? It is not always easy and we don’t always hear what we want to hear, but it’s always meaningful and connecting. And even better with a cup of tea. We’re still doing it 4 years in. I can’t imagine life without it now.
I don’t remember exactly how we found our way to that protocol, but I just came across a similar one in Susan Piver’s “Four Noble Truths of Love.” One nice thing about both is that you allow each person to speak uninterrupted for a set period of time. Your only job during that time is to actively listen. That helps so much too.
I love this! We get so bogged down by the daily drudge to keep these little humans alive I think we forget that our partners are the ones for LIFE. Sometimes when we have disagreements, I think about that and focus on repairing. Lol this was perfect timing since I’m currently mired in a disagreement 😅. Off to repair!
Love this advice! And a lot of this information is applicable to people of all ages too. I love that you brought up the idea of a "talk agenda." Super clever! I find this is especially important when people have different communication styles.
This is such great advice no matter what age your children are. Having a newborn is definitely very difficult but so are the toddler years, the teenage years, and the college years! I love the idea that you need to find time for both connection time and problem-solving/schedule negotiation time. I have never done that and I can see why it is important NOT to mix them.
I agree that is a great idea and I am going to try it too!
Love this newsletter so much. After forty years of marriage, three children - all young adults, two full-time careers - now retired, we were recently asked what makes a great marriage. I said communication and he said forgiveness. Those two are so important for longevity in parenting. Susan Landers, MD
Thank you so much for teaching us from your experience! Communication and forgiveness are so simple and yet so complicated.
The very best suggestion we ever got as new parents, along these lines, was to schedule a weekly check-in. We ask: How are you doing? How do you think we are doing as a couple? How are we doing, as parents? It is not always easy and we don’t always hear what we want to hear, but it’s always meaningful and connecting. And even better with a cup of tea. We’re still doing it 4 years in. I can’t imagine life without it now.
I love the idea of a check in with specific questions about the person, the relationship, and the child(ren). That is brilliant.
I don’t remember exactly how we found our way to that protocol, but I just came across a similar one in Susan Piver’s “Four Noble Truths of Love.” One nice thing about both is that you allow each person to speak uninterrupted for a set period of time. Your only job during that time is to actively listen. That helps so much too.
I love this! We get so bogged down by the daily drudge to keep these little humans alive I think we forget that our partners are the ones for LIFE. Sometimes when we have disagreements, I think about that and focus on repairing. Lol this was perfect timing since I’m currently mired in a disagreement 😅. Off to repair!
Yes, repair is so important! Make sure you pause and communicate!
Love this advice! And a lot of this information is applicable to people of all ages too. I love that you brought up the idea of a "talk agenda." Super clever! I find this is especially important when people have different communication styles.