Another solution that always helps my children is getting them out in nature. Their bodies seem to naturally regulate. There is an expansive space outdoors for them to feel it all and be held. Plus there is an invitation for movement. And my kids do best with nature and movement. Thank you for sharing. I love your content.
Great and reassuring info. I have two anxious daughters and one anxious granddaughter. There are definitely ways that parents can help and be supportive.
As the mom of an anxious child, I so appreciated this post. The different types of anxiety and how it shows up, as well as what parents should do is so helpful.
Thank you! It was an important post for me to write as a parent. I wanted to make sure to highlight that parents should not feel guilty that they did something that caused the anxiety.
Our child's psychologist gave us a wonderful mantra that aligns well with this research: "We can be compassionate without colluding." It's a nuanced distinction that shifts with each situation, so much so that it's almost a koan. But it has led to great discussions between me and my partner as to what we think we're actually doing in any given moment, and usually to better decision-making as a result.
Thank you so much! My 4th grader has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety since she was 6, and is really struggling with it this year. It’s showing up most noticeably as meltdowns at school and home, particularly any time she feels like she’s done anything wrong (and for a perfectionist child with anxiety, that’s everything from not picking out the right outfit to struggling to figure out a math problem). As a parent, it’s so difficult to figure out the right things to do and say. We want to prevent total meltdowns without removing opportunities to struggle, and we want to teach her that she can struggle and make mistakes without it being the end of the world. And as she’s getting older and is more private about how she’s feeling, we often don’t realize she’s already feeling stressed and discouraged until she loses control. We’re working with a therapist and psychiatrist and getting a 2nd neuropsych evaluation (the first one was apparently far too cursory despite being awfully expensive!).
Do you have any suggestions on how to help her handle simple reminders (like saying for the 2nd or 3rd time “it’s time to go, get your shoes on”) where she feels like she’s screwed up by not doing the thing already? We don’t expect her to not get distracted or want to do certain things that no kid wants to do, but we’re caught between her big reaction to what she perceives as a failure and our need to get to school on time, have her do her chores/homework/etc.
Have you tried social stories, written or picture schedules reminders. That way you do not need to say the words over and over. You just point at the picture as a reminder.
We did try a written list but it was possibly too detailed... she tore it off the wall at one point in a rage. I’m definitely willing to maybe make it simpler and bigger and try again.
If it helps any: our kiddo’s OT gave us a laminated 8x11 paper with three clouds on it and we use that to talk through the “next three things.” That way we don’t have to make an elaborate picture schedule like the ones I’ve made as an educator. I write one or two words max in the clouds and my 4yo adds the pictures. As we do each thing he erases it, which he loves. It’s been a game changer. Using whiteboard paper at kid eye level would work well for this too, I’d imagine.
Another solution that always helps my children is getting them out in nature. Their bodies seem to naturally regulate. There is an expansive space outdoors for them to feel it all and be held. Plus there is an invitation for movement. And my kids do best with nature and movement. Thank you for sharing. I love your content.
I love that idea. It is so good to breath fresh air and get away from distractions.
Great and reassuring info. I have two anxious daughters and one anxious granddaughter. There are definitely ways that parents can help and be supportive.
I am so glad the information was reassuring!
I know so many parents whose kids have anxiety and it sounds so hard to help them cope and do it patiently.
It is so hard to help these kids as a parent. I wanted to share helpful tips that everyone could implement! Thank you for reading.
As the mom of an anxious child, I so appreciated this post. The different types of anxiety and how it shows up, as well as what parents should do is so helpful.
Thank you! It was an important post for me to write as a parent. I wanted to make sure to highlight that parents should not feel guilty that they did something that caused the anxiety.
Our child's psychologist gave us a wonderful mantra that aligns well with this research: "We can be compassionate without colluding." It's a nuanced distinction that shifts with each situation, so much so that it's almost a koan. But it has led to great discussions between me and my partner as to what we think we're actually doing in any given moment, and usually to better decision-making as a result.
I love that!!
Thank you so much! My 4th grader has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety since she was 6, and is really struggling with it this year. It’s showing up most noticeably as meltdowns at school and home, particularly any time she feels like she’s done anything wrong (and for a perfectionist child with anxiety, that’s everything from not picking out the right outfit to struggling to figure out a math problem). As a parent, it’s so difficult to figure out the right things to do and say. We want to prevent total meltdowns without removing opportunities to struggle, and we want to teach her that she can struggle and make mistakes without it being the end of the world. And as she’s getting older and is more private about how she’s feeling, we often don’t realize she’s already feeling stressed and discouraged until she loses control. We’re working with a therapist and psychiatrist and getting a 2nd neuropsych evaluation (the first one was apparently far too cursory despite being awfully expensive!).
Do you have any suggestions on how to help her handle simple reminders (like saying for the 2nd or 3rd time “it’s time to go, get your shoes on”) where she feels like she’s screwed up by not doing the thing already? We don’t expect her to not get distracted or want to do certain things that no kid wants to do, but we’re caught between her big reaction to what she perceives as a failure and our need to get to school on time, have her do her chores/homework/etc.
Have you tried social stories, written or picture schedules reminders. That way you do not need to say the words over and over. You just point at the picture as a reminder.
We did try a written list but it was possibly too detailed... she tore it off the wall at one point in a rage. I’m definitely willing to maybe make it simpler and bigger and try again.
Yes. Try three simple steps.
If it helps any: our kiddo’s OT gave us a laminated 8x11 paper with three clouds on it and we use that to talk through the “next three things.” That way we don’t have to make an elaborate picture schedule like the ones I’ve made as an educator. I write one or two words max in the clouds and my 4yo adds the pictures. As we do each thing he erases it, which he loves. It’s been a game changer. Using whiteboard paper at kid eye level would work well for this too, I’d imagine.