How to Get Your Kid To Clean Up

A recent study provides a new strategy for getting kids to actually clean up after themselves

Source: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA/Pexels

It’s a familiar scene to any parent— you calmly ask your child to clean up a mess that they clearly made and they refuse, claim they will do it “later,” or simply ignore you. You keep asking, maybe even throwing in a bribe or a threat of consequences and your child still refuses to cooperate. Finally, you decide it would be easier to just do it yourself and so you clean up the mess while vowing to yourself that next time you will somehow make them clean up.

Getting your child to clean up after themselves is one of the most important lessons that we teach as parents. However, in practice, parents often end up feeling like nagging broken records. It is incredibly frustrating and can make you feel like an ineffective parent.

So can research provide any insight into this common dilemma? A recent study has a new strategy for all of us to try!

The Study

This study published in 2023 in the Journal of Child and Family Studies included 105 mother-toddler pairs with toddlers aged 17 to 30 months. The mothers and toddlers were placed in a room of toys and given the following instructions:

“Immediately after the five minutes of playing, we would like you to instruct your child to put the toys away in our containers. We want you to direct your child to put the toys away, NOT to put any toys away yourself. If your child is still not putting any toys away after you tried for a while (1 min or 3 attempts to get your child to start), then you can show her (or him) how by putting only 3 toys away yourself.”

The researchers then compared the following three responses from mothers:

1. Deliberate modeling: when the mother first gets the child’s attention, then puts the toy away while instructing their child to also clean up

2. Indirect modeling: when the mother puts away a toy without first getting the child’s attention or instructing the child to do the same

3. Collaborating: when the mother does the first part of the task (such as handing a toy to the child or moving the toy closer to the child)

The researchers found that 25% of mothers used deliberate modeling, 37% used indirect modeling, and 59% used collaborating when their toddlers refused to clean up.

So which response was the most effective?

The researchers found that collaborating was particularly effective at getting children to clean up and was associated with more long-term positive impacts, including reduced problem behavior and improved self-regulation two months later. Deliberate modeling was not significantly associated with an increased likelihood of cleaning up, and was associated with lower levels of self-regulation two months later. However, indirect modeling was associated with an increased likelihood of cleaning up when instructed, and was associated with lower levels of anxiety/depression in boys and higher levels of behavior problems in girls.

Why might collaborating be a good strategy?

The researchers suggest that collaborating is the most effective response because it encourages parents and children to be responsive, interactive, and cooperative with each other while still respecting the child’s autonomy (translation: it doesn’t “force” children to clean up against their will). It also provides children with a concrete visual prompt to clean up (and visual prompts can be easier than verbal prompts for young children to understand). Collaborating may also be easier and more rewarding for children. Finally, collaborating helps to teach children the lesson that we all help each other to clean up, regardless of who made the mess.

So I shouldn’t model cleaning up?

It is important to note that these results don’t mean that we should write off modeling as a parenting tool, which can be a very effective tool for gaining cooperation. This was only one study and the mothers were instructed to only model in a limited way (that is, only model cleaning up three toys max). If the mothers had been allowed to model cleaning up as they would at home, modeling may have been more effective. In addition, modeling may help children may encourage children to clean up more in the long-term, even if it is not effective immediately.

What are the limitations?

This is a relatively small study with some important limitations and further research is needed before we can make any conclusions based on these results. An important note is that this study was conducted in a very controlled laboratory setting— and toddlers and parents are definitely going to behave differently in this situation than at home. The results are also based on a 5 minute observation so it is unclear which strategy is associated with longer term cooperation. This was also correlational study, meaning that we do not know the extent to which the parents’ responses actually caused the children to cooperate in the clean up (although the researchers did control for initial cooperation of children).

Overall Translation

These findings are based on one small, limited study and further research is definitely needed. However, I wanted to highlight this study because it gives parents a concrete strategy that they can try out for one of the most frustrating tasks of parenting.

This study, along with previous research, provides the following suggestions for you to use in your every day life.:

1. Try collaborating when cleaning up: we don’t yet have evidence that this strategy is sure-fire but it certainly doesn’t hurt to try it. You can do this by handing your child toys, moving toys closer to them, giving them materials they need to clean up (like a broom), or gathering small objects together to make it easier for them to clean up

2. Ease the transition from playing to cleaning up: the problem that a lot of children have with cleaning up is not the cleaning up itself but the having to stop play. Help your child to transition to cleaning by providing warnings or a countdown that play is almost over. If you are handing them toys, start with the less appealing toys. This may keep them distracted from the toys that they want to keep playing with while handing them a toy they really like may result in them continuing to play with it.

3. If collaborating doesn’t work, try giving your child choices. For example, “Do you want to clean up the blocks or the cars first?” This strategy has also been found to be effective in getting children to listen and cooperate. This strategy also acknowledges that toddlers need discipline that combines both limits and autonomy. These strategies help to avoid a power struggle while also making sure that the toddler engages in the desired behavior.

4. When collaborating or giving choices isn’t possible or isn’t working, model cleaning up to your child. It may be frustrating to always be cleaning up after your child, but you can also see it as modeling an important skill. Modeling may not work immediately, but we know that it can be a powerful way to encourage the behavior that you want to see.

5. Explain to your child the importance to working together and everyone doing their part. It can help for your child to understand the spirit behind collaboration.

6. Try collaborating to get cooperation with other tasks that your child doesn’t want to do. Remember that this strategy could also apply to other challenging tasks during the day like getting ready for school, brushing teeth, or completing chores. In all of these situations, if you complete the first step, your child may be more wiling to finish the task independently. For example, hand them their shoes and socks if you are working on getting out the door in time for school or put the toothpaste on their toothbrush and hand it to them.

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Welcome to the Parenting Translator newsletter! I am Dr. Cara Goodwin, a licensed psychologist with a PhD in child psychology and mother to four children (currently a baby, 3-year-old, 6-year-old, and 8-year-old). I specialize in taking all of the research that is out there related to parenting and child development and turning it into information that is accurate, relevant, and useful for parents! I recently turned these efforts into a non-profit organization since I believe that all parents deserve access to unbiased and free information. This means that I am only here to help YOU as a parent so please send along any feedback, topic suggestions, or questions that you have! You can also find me on Instagram @parentingtranslator, on TikTok @parentingtranslator, and my website (www.parentingtranslator.org).

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