The way you discipline may impact how your child internalizes your rules
“Controlling parenting often involves threats and punishment to make your child behave or trying to induce guilt or fear. Autonomy-supportive parenting helps children to internalize the rules, while controlling parenting makes children more likely to behave to please parents or avoid getting into trouble.” This distinction is so important for me. I often characterize my parenting philosophy as “high empathy/high accountability” (the parenting version of the teaching approach/persona that Lisa Delpit calls “the warm demander”). I like the language of “autonomy supportive” parenting as well. It’s more explicit than “respectful” (which can be so subjective!) and explains the why, not just the what, of this approach. Love it.
Thank you so much for this. The note about using logical consequences instead of punishments really hit home! Something I definitely need to work on.
I totally understand logical consequences, but what if they don't "follow through with" or "do" the logical consequence? As you said, if your child hits their brother, you ask them to stop playing to go get him an ice pack. And when they don't get the ice pack? That's where my 3.5 year old is at. Logical consequences aren't working - he just refuses.