As a clinical psychologist and someone who's been writing about parenting and child development for quite a while, I'm always appalled at popular articles with titles along the lines of "5 Ways You're Screwing Up Your Kid Forever!" They might be good as clickbait, but they're unnecessarily alarmist and deeply disrespectful toward both parents and kids.
Part of the problem is the idea that parenting is something we do to kids. Parenting is a relationship. Just like in any other relationship, conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable and working through that unavoidable friction is how we learn about each other and ourselves. It's an opportunity to grow closer. Of course we want to offer guidance and exercise reasonable caution, but we also want to trust in our children's strength and their capacity to grow and learn. The miracle of children is we just don't know how they're going to develop.
One of my kids went to India for the summer when she was in college. Of course I thought of all the things that could go wrong while she was so far away! But I didn't say a word about my fears because I wanted her to see herself as the kind of person who could go on an adventure on the other side of the world and thrive. She did get sick on the trip. And she managed to deal with it. She also had a wonderful time.
I’m just starting this practice, but I’m really leaning into curiosity over hyper-vigilance to see what my kiddo is truly capable of handling. Shifting away from that 'fragile' mindset is helping me build a new confidence in my own parenting intuition and my kiddos natural resilience.
As a clinical psychologist and someone who's been writing about parenting and child development for quite a while, I'm always appalled at popular articles with titles along the lines of "5 Ways You're Screwing Up Your Kid Forever!" They might be good as clickbait, but they're unnecessarily alarmist and deeply disrespectful toward both parents and kids.
Part of the problem is the idea that parenting is something we do to kids. Parenting is a relationship. Just like in any other relationship, conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable and working through that unavoidable friction is how we learn about each other and ourselves. It's an opportunity to grow closer. Of course we want to offer guidance and exercise reasonable caution, but we also want to trust in our children's strength and their capacity to grow and learn. The miracle of children is we just don't know how they're going to develop.
One of my kids went to India for the summer when she was in college. Of course I thought of all the things that could go wrong while she was so far away! But I didn't say a word about my fears because I wanted her to see herself as the kind of person who could go on an adventure on the other side of the world and thrive. She did get sick on the trip. And she managed to deal with it. She also had a wonderful time.
I’m just starting this practice, but I’m really leaning into curiosity over hyper-vigilance to see what my kiddo is truly capable of handling. Shifting away from that 'fragile' mindset is helping me build a new confidence in my own parenting intuition and my kiddos natural resilience.
Love how you explain this!