Should We Tell Our Kids The Truth About the World?

Should we tell our kids the truth—about the world, about painful events, about the harsh realities of life—or should we protect them from it?

Feb 19, 2026

girl covering her face with both hands — Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

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More so now than ever, it seems like the world is full of bad news and heavy realities. As parents, it can feel nearly impossible to be present with our kids and share in their joy when our minds are preoccupied by all of the bad things— whether it is upsetting events from the news, overwhelming financial or work stress, or a trauma that still triggers us to this day. Of course, we all want our children to stay innocent for as long as possible and we want to protect them from information that even we, as adults, struggle to understand and process. Yet, at the same time, it can feel deeply wrong to pretend like everything is “fine” when it is anything but fine, particularly when we know that our children may be sensing our stress or may find out the truth from peers, the media, or other less reliable sources.

Over the past few decades, expert guidance on how much “bad news” to share with children has really shifted as research has improved our understanding of the parent-child relationship and societal views of children have changed. In the 1950s, it was widely recommended that parents shield children from upsetting or distressing information whenever possible. As the children’s rights movement gained momentum, this perspective began to change, with experts increasingly emphasizing that children have a right to know information that directly affects them. Today, most experts advocate for a balanced, developmentally sensitive approach: neither complete shielding nor full disclosure.

This leaves many parents asking: How do we talk to children about heavy realities without overwhelming them… or misleading them? Fortunately, research offers several guiding principles.

1. Admit When You Are Feeling Stressed or Upset

Research finds that attempting to hide or suppress stress from children often backfires. A recent study found that when parents tried to conceal their stress from their children, the interaction between parents and children was less warm and emotionally engaged. Children also showed more signs of stress themselves when their parents tried to hide their stress (particularly with their mothers). In other words, parents may unintentionally transfer stress to their children even when they are trying to shield them from it.

Another study found that, when parents tried to hide or suppress their stress, they were less responsive to their children, and their children showed worse mood and were less engaged. A study conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic found that when parents used expressive suppression (that is, hiding their expression of emotion), the stress of the family was more strongly linked to anxiety and sadness in children. On the other hand, mothers who told their children more about their own emotions during the COVID-19 pandemic were more likely to have children with less anxiety.

Parents may also feel the impact of hiding their stress. Research finds that not being fully honest is linked to signs of stress in your body (such as higher arousal, blood pressure, and heart rate). Interestingly, people who observe others not being honest exhibit the same stress responses, suggesting that children who sense that a parent is not being fully honest may feel the same impact in their own bodies.

Yet, it is also important that parents not talk about their emotions with their children as they would with a therapist or another adult. Children need to see their parents model healthy regulation of their feelings, since a parent with out-of-control feelings may make a child feel unsafe. Children also learn their own emotional regulation strategies by seeing their parent model these skills (and check out this book to help your child learn and practice emotional regulation skills independently!).

Translation: Even when you make every attempt to pretend like everything is fine, children often sense your true emotions, and this may negatively impact your children, your own stress, and the parent-child relationship. Instead, admit to your child how you are feeling while reassuring them that you can handle your own emotions and model healthy emotional regulation strategies.

2. Avoid Telling a Direct Lie or Leaving Out Important Information, Whenever Possible

It is also important to model honesty for our children. In particular, try not to tell a direct lie whenever possible. Research finds that children may be more likely to lie when they see it modeled by adults. One study found that, when adults lied to school-age children, those children were more likely to cheat and lie themselves.

Research further suggests that leaving out key details may undermine trust. Research finds that kids can tell when adults omit important information and subsequently judge them to be less trustworthy.

Translation: Avoid telling a direct lie or leaving out information that is essential to your child’s understanding of the information. That said, honesty does not mean that parents should tell children age-inappropriate information (see the next section).

3. Keep Your Explanation Age-Appropriate

While it is important to show our genuine emotions and model honesty to our children, it is also important that we do not expose children to disturbing content that they do not yet have the emotional regulation skills to handle. Think about how hard it is for you, as an adult, to cope with some of the harsh realities of the world with your fully formed brain and then imagine what that would be like for your child. In line with this intuition, research finds that viewing disturbing media is linked to more worry and more symptoms of PTSD.

Translation: To determine whether information is helpful or harmful to your child, ask yourself the following questions:

Does my child need this information to understand the basics of the situation?
Will this cause anxiety or impact their sense of safety?
Do I want to tell them in order to relieve my own anxiety or process my own emotions or do I really think it would be helpful for them to know?
What information can I leave out that is graphic or might make them worry?

4. When You Do Withhold or Bend the Truth, Explain Why When They Are Old Enough to Understand

There may be times when you need to lie to your children or at least omit important information in order to protect them. A very common example is explaining school shooting drills. Young children in particular do not need to understand the full reality behind these drills, as this information could create unnecessary fear. For younger children, you might say that the drill is to practice staying quiet and calm during an emergency, while reassuring them that such emergencies are very unlikely and that adults are there to keep them safe if they do happen. As children grow older, you can gradually explain that the drill prepares students for what to do if someone unsafe enters the school, again emphasizing that this is unlikely and that teachers and staff are trained to keep them safe. For current events that would be upsetting for children, you might say something like “Something sad happened in a place far away from here” or that “Someone broke an important law,” always reassuring them of their own safety and their family’s safety.

In these cases, your motive for not being fully honest is not to deceive your child, but to prevent your child from having to face fears that they are not developmentally ready to manage (unfortunately we adults have no other choice but to face these harsh realities). In the research, lying that is intended to benefit or protect someone else is called prosocial lying. Research finds that prosocial lying is linked to increased compassion and that children are more likely to maintain trust in an adult when they find out that the adult lied to benefit others versus when the adult lied to them to benefit themselves personally. Therefore, these types of omissions are unlikely to undermine trust in the same way that self-serving dishonesty can.

Translation: When your child is old enough to know the full truth, explain to them why you didn’t give the full truth earlier so they understand that your intention was to protect them, not to mislead them.

5. Make Sure Your Child Hears it From You Rather Than Other Sources

Research on parent–child communication following parental exposure to potentially traumatic events suggests that children tend to have more positive outcomes when they learn about difficult experiences directly from their parents rather than indirectly (such as by overhearing a conversation).

Translation: If you have any reason to believe that your child may find out the information in another way (particularly if it might come from an unreliable source, such as their peers), it may be helpful to offer an age-appropriate explanation first. Hearing it from you first allows for reassurance, clarification, and a sense of safety, rather than confusion or misinformation. If you think there is a chance that they might have heard about it from other sources, you can ask them first what they know about the topic.

6. Reassure Them of Safety and That It Isn’t Their Fault

Research finds that children have a default mode of thinking about information in terms of how it relates to their own live. Therefore, when you explain a sad or scary event (even if it happened on the other side of the world) they will automatically think about how it impacts them. Therefore, it is very important to reassure them that they are safe (or at the very least, that you will do everything in your power to keep them safe).

Research also suggests that kids may have better outcomes when parents do not to place blame on the child in any way.

Translation: Even if you think that worrying about their own safety and whether they are at fault is not really relevant, make sure you reassure children of this whenever you are explaining something.

7. Try to find a positive angle

Research finds that it matters how the information is presented. For example, when media is presented with a positive spin (that is, positive emotions are mentioned and possible solutions are suggested), kids tend to have more positive emotions and fewer negative emotions.

Translation: Explain to your kids any positive aspects of the situation. One way to do this is to “look for the helpers” as Mr. Rogers suggests— that is, try to identify the people who are helping or caring for others during difficult times. You can also suggest ways that the problem might be solved or healthy ways you are coping with your own sadness or fear about the situation.

Overall Translation

It can feel impossible to protect our children when scary events seem to be constantly happening in the world. While previous generations were encouraged to shield children from all harsh realities of the world, research now suggests that complete shielding is neither realistic nor beneficial.

Research instead suggests offering children developmentally-sensitive truth. Here is how you do it:

Wait until you are calm to talk to them about it.
Label the emotion you are feeling (sad, frustrated, or stressed. For example: “I’m feeling really sad because I just watched someone get hurt on the news.”
Reassure them that you can handle your feelings and model using a coping strategy for them. For example: “I’m going to put down my phone for the rest of the night and take some deep breaths.” You can also use tools like this book to help your child learn and practice coping skills independently.
Give age-appropriate truths. Do not give graphic information or information that would cause unnecessary anxiety.
Reassure them of their safety and safety of the people that they love and that it is not their fault, whenever possible.
Don’t assume kids aren’t listening to your conversation or to a TV or phone playing in the background
You can always label some topics as“adult topics” or say “I don’t know” when you really don’t know how to answer. In these situations, reassure children that you will address any adult topics and keep them safe.

And don’t forget to pre-order my new book— What To Do When It’s Time To Calm Down :)

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