Are Rewards for Children Really So Bad?

The anti-reward movement seems to be growing... but is it really backed by research?

Thank you for continuing to be a loyal subscriber to the Parenting Translator newsletter! I would like to sincerely apologize for my newsletters being less frequent in the past few months. I have been working on some exciting projects which I will announce soon. In the meantime, the newsletter will be back with more regularity and I’m hoping to really focus on the topics that are most interesting and most helpful to YOU as a parent so give me some feedback and let me know what you want! Today’s newsletters will be on one of my most requested topics— the research behind rewards for children!

Sticker charts, earning something special for “good behavior,” and paying children an allowance for completing chores have long been common practice among parents. Yet, in recent years, these type of reward systems have come under attack by many parenting influencers and experts. In the world of “gentle parenting,” rewards for behavior are a big no-no. Dr. Becky, Big Little Feelings, Janet Lansbury, and many other popular parenting influencers advise parents to avoid rewarding their children— even claiming that rewards can be disrespectful or damaging for children. As Dr. Becky says, “we are raising humans, not training animals.”

Yet, at the same time, most child psychologists advocate that parents use rewards and most evidence-based parenting programs include the use of a reward system. Interestingly enough, both sides claim that their position is backed by research. So why is the advice of parenting influencers so different from child psychologists and how can both sides claim to have research on their side? What does research really find about rewards?

The Anti-Reward Movement

The crusade against rewards was initially spearheaded by author and gentle parenting icon, Alfie Kohn. [An interesting side note is that Alfie Kohn also led the crusade against the phrase “good job”.] In 1993, Alfie Kohn wrote a book titled Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes. In this book, Kohn claims that rewards are “useless” and “counterproductive” because rewards ultimately make children lose interest in what you are rewarding them for and they become motivated only by the reward rather than the task itself. In other words, he argued that when you provide external motivation (such as rewards) children lose internal or intrinsic motivation. According to this line of thinking, rewarding children for cleaning their rooms could prevent them from developing an internal drive to take care of their spaces and, perhaps more importantly, from grasping the ethical importance of contributing to the household in a meaningful way. According to Kohn, rewards result in short-term gain in exchange for long-term damage to motivation, creativity, learning, achievement, and even moral development.

So are these claims backed by research?

What Does the Actual Research Say?

The confusion around rewards make sense because at an initial glance the research itself is confusing. Some research has backed up the claims of Alfie Kohn and the parenting influencers, finding that rewards decrease intrinsic motivation (translation: rewards make children lose interest in the task or behavior that you are rewarding and they become less likely to engage in it when you take your reward away). Yet, some research finds that rewards increase intrinsic motivation (translation: rewards actually make children more likely to do the task or behavior you are rewarding them for, even after you take the reward away).

A closer examination of the research reveals a pattern— rewards decrease intrinsic motivation for an activity that a child already enjoys (such as drawing) but increase intrinsic motivation for an activity that a child doesn’t already enjoy (such as cleaning their room). Even for tasks that a child already enjoys, rewards may only decrease intrinsic motivation if they are tangible (that is, a reward you can touch such as candy, stickers, or money). This is a really important distinction because it really only makes sense that parents would reward children for activities that children don’t already enjoy and aren’t motivated to do on their own. For example, if your child really enjoys taking a bath and they eagerly get in the bath every night, you wouldn’t think to set up a reward system for taking a bath. However, if your child hates taking a bath and it is a fight every night, a reward system might be just what you need. Translation: Research suggests that you don’t really have to worry about rewarding your child for the types of tasks you would typically set up a reward system for (that is, the tasks they aren’t doing on their own).

For activities your child isn’t already doing on their own, rewards may help to “jumpstart” intrinsic motivation. How this works is that rewards get the child to engage in something they may not have without the reward and eventually they start to see the intrinsic motivation. Going back to the bath example— your child may initially hate bathing and only take a bath to get a reward. Yet, when they start taking a bath every night, they may start enjoying the calming experience of the bath in their bedtime routine and the feeling of being clean. Eventually they love bathing for bathing’s sake and, just like that, they have developed the intrinsic motivation to take a bath. Another example— your child may not be initially motivated to have a clean room but if you give them rewards for cleaning their room, they may start to realize that they like being able to easily walk around their room and find everything they need and they may start to enjoy the sense of accomplishment they get from cleaning their room. Ultimately, they become intrinsically motivated to keep their room clean. You can eventually fade out the rewards as the activity itself becomes intrinsically rewarding.

There is also no doubt that rewards have other benefits above and beyond increasing intrinsic motivation such as encouraging persistence and improving children’s control over their own behavior. In addition, parenting training programs that use reward systems have been found to have significant and long-lasting positive impacts on children’s behavior and the parent-child relationship.

An Important Exception…

There is some evidence that providing tangible rewards for social behavior, such as helping others or sharing, may undermine intrinsic motivation (that is, make children less likely to want to help others or share in the future). This makes sense since these types of social behaviors should be rewarding in themselves. Intangible rewards such as praise or positive attention do not seem to have the same impact and parents should feel free to use praise and positive attention for any social behavior they would like to see more often (“I noticed that you shared your toys with your friend”).

Bribes Versus Rewards

Many parents have heard that they should not bribe their children. But what exactly is a bribe and how is it different from a reward? A bribe is when a parent promises a reward to stop “bad” behavior. For example, if your child is hitting their sibling in the backseat and you say: “If you leave your sister alone, then we can go get ice cream”. A reward on the other hand would be offered in the absence of “bad” behavior . Bribes are a problem because they are actually rewarding the “bad” behavior because your child may learn that if they engage in that behavior, you will reward them to stop doing it which indirectly rewards the “bad” behavior.

What About Children with ADHD?

It is also important to note that reward systems may be particularly effective with children with ADHD. However, research also shows that children with ADHD may respond more positively to smaller, more immediate rewards than larger delayed rewards.

Overall Translation

Using rewards with children may have many positive impacts and we have no consistent evidence of negative impacts (with the very important exception of using rewards for tasks your child is already motivated to complete or positive social behavior like sharing or helping). More research is needed but the research we do have gives parents some guidance. Here are some evidence-based tips for using rewards with children in a way that does not decrease intrinsic motivation and may actually improve your child’s behavior:

1. Avoid using rewards for tasks your child already enjoys or is already motivated to do. For example, if your child is very motivated to be potty-trained and interested in using the potty, you may not want to use rewards. However, if your child does not seem motivated or interested, rewards may be essential. A good rule of thumb is whether they are doing the task without you asking them to do it.

2. Avoid using rewards for any type of social interaction (such as sharing, playing nicely with siblings, or helping others). These activities should be enjoyable and motivating in themselves. However, praising and giving positive attention to these behaviors can be very effective and should not impact intrinsic motivation.

3. Base rewards on the child’s performance. Decide in advance which specific behaviors you will reward and only reward those behaviors. If rewards are given willy-nilly, they lose their meaning.

4. Reward your child immediately and consistently after the behavior. Rewards need to be immediate and consistent or children will not link the behavior to the reward. Research also finds that immediate rewards tend to increase intrinsic motivation more than delayed rewards.

5. Don’t use bribes. In other words, don’t use rewards to stop “bad” behavior or your child may ultimately link the reward to that behavior.

6. Find the system that works best for you and stick to it. Some parents prefer a sticker chart, some prefer tally marks on a piece of paper, some prefer apps (I personally love and use the app Stellar). Go through some trial and error to find out what system you can use consistently and seems to be the most motivating to your child. You may have to use concrete and immediate rewards for children who are three or younger (this is very important to remember if you are considering using rewards for potty training).

7. Gradually stop using rewards when they are no longer necessary. There isn’t research specifically informing when and how parents should fade rewards so pay attention to your child and notice when the reward seems less and less important and gradually phase it out.

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Welcome to the Parenting Translator newsletter! I am Dr. Cara Goodwin, a licensed psychologist with a PhD in child psychology and mother to four children (currently a 1-year-old, 4-year-old, 7-year-old, and 9-year-old). I specialize in taking all of the research that is out there related to parenting and child development and turning it into information that is accurate, relevant, and useful for parents! I recently turned these efforts into a non-profit organization since I believe that all parents deserve access to unbiased and free information. This means that I am only here to help YOU as a parent so please send along any feedback, topic suggestions, or questions that you have! You can also find me on Instagram @parentingtranslator, on TikTok @parentingtranslator, and my website (www.parentingtranslator.com).

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